My favorite ad campaign of the Olympics, Thanks Mom by Proctor and Gamble, is expanding the community service element of the campaign.  And you can help support Team USA through them.  Originally, P&G offered to pay for the athletes' Moms to attend the games.  MediaPost reports that the company is now extending it that offer to the Moms of paraolympic athletes too and contributing to Team USA.

Their goal is to have all the Moms in the US thanked by Mother's Day.  If you pledge to say "Thanks Mom" before March 21st,P&G will donate a dollar in your honor to Team USA.

Go to Thank a Mom. And don't forget to thank your Mom.

The New York Times reports that 1 in 4 parents link autism to vaccines inspite of the consistent scientific evidence that there is no such link.  Autism diagnoses are up radically in the last 30 years and it's reasonable for parents to want to know the cause of this increase.  Because of the timing of vaccination and the timing of autism diagnoses (and often onset), it was a reasonable hypothesis that the two are related.

There's just no science to support it. 

In fact, the study that started the anti-vaccination movement has been thoroughly discredited. 

Autism is a rough road. I'm lucky that I'm not on it so I cannot speak to how rough it actually is. I was impressed by the writing of autistic adults who emphasize that just because they are different does not mean anything except that they bring different perspective to society.  And interventions to help autistic children interact with society have some amazing results.  But it's still a rough road.

To be clear, blindness, deafness, cardiovascular disease, encephalitis, meningitis are also really rough roads some of which can lead to death.  All are potential impacts from contracting a disease that is preventable through vaccinations. And not being vaccinated increases the public health risk for all of us.

As parents, we have to balance different risks. Our instinct to protect our children is wonderful, but sometimes very uninformed.  Newsweek published a long article on the many benefits of vaccines in December - it's worth a read.  There are arguments that vaccines are big-pharma making a lot of money.  I guess that's possible, but the public health benefit has been tremendous.  Vaccines and hygeine have saved millions of children.

There are a lot of potential causes for autism.  I hope we research as many as we can to help parents prevent exposure if it's a preventable thing.  The first step in good research is letting go of the theories that didn't pan out so you can put resources at finding a more viable answer.

My children are vaccinated and we also did H1N1 flu vaccines this year because we estimated it was a better risk after researching the science and talking with our doctors. 

What do you think about the continual emphasis on the autism:vaccine link?

Update on Tuesday, March 9, 2010 at 2:34PM by Joelle - a Practical Parent

I applaud Allison's passion - and there are articles about the Homefirst medical practice and the Amish community stating that they have no incidence of autism.  The issue is establishing causality - and making a very dangerous conclusion - since vaccines prevent life-threatening diseases that have ravaged society in the past.

Homefirst and the Amish have other differences with the general population beyond vaccination.  I don't know that any of them are causal either. 

That said, a reader on MotherJones (a very progressive publication) did share a lot of studies that aggressively looked for links between the vaccines, thimerisal and autism - and didn't find any.  Another reader pointed out that the rise in autism corresponds to the rise in nutrasweet.  I'm sure other people can suggest other correlations.  The vaccine correlation has been studied extensively and never found statistically relevant.  The power of vaccines for prevention of serious disease is proven.

Here are the studies (from ttamiesor on MotherJones):

From http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/abstract/113/5/e472
"Review of 2 major textbooks on autism and of papers published between 1961 and 2003 yields convincing evidence for multiple interacting genetic factors as the main causative determinants of autism.” “These studies fail to confirm that immunizations with the measles-mumps-rubella vaccine are responsible for the surge in autism."

From http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16818529?ordinalpos=1&itool=EntrezSystem2.PEntrez.Pubmed.Pubmed_ResultsPanel.Pubmed_DiscoveryPanel.Pubmed_Discovery_RA&linkpos=2&log$=relatedarticles&logdbfrom=pubmed
"A statistically significant linear increase in pervasive developmental disorder prevalence was noted during the study period. The prevalence of pervasive developmental disorder in thimerosal-free birth cohorts was significantly higher than that in thimerosal-exposed cohorts (82.7 of 10000 vs 59.5 of 10000). Using logistic regression models of the prevalence data, we found no significant effect of thimerosal exposure used either as a continuous or a categorical variable. Thus, thimerosal exposure was unrelated to the increasing trend in pervasive developmental disorder prevalence”

From Journal of the American Medical Association
http://jama.ama-assn.org/cgi/content/abstract/290/13/1763
"During 2,986,654 person-years, we identified 440 autism cases and 787 cases of other autistic-spectrum disorders. The risk of autism and other autistic-spectrum disorders did not differ significantly between children vaccinated with thimerosal-containing vaccine and children vaccinated with thimerosal-free vaccine.” “Conclusion The results do not support a causal relationship between childhood vaccination with thimerosal-containing vaccines and development of autistic-spectrum disorders."

From:
http://www3.interscience.wiley.com/journal/119919937/abstract?CRETRY=1&S...
"There is no support for the hypothesis for a role of either MMR or thimerosal in causation, but the evidence on the latter is more limited."

From
http://www.sciencedirect.com/science?_ob=ArticleURL&_udi=B6T1B-4D974DV-1...
"Findings: 1294 cases and 4469 controls were included. 1010 cases (78•1%) had MMR vaccination recorded before diagnosis, compared with 3671 controls (82•1%) before the age at which their matched case was diagnosed. After adjustment for age at joining the database, the odds ratio for association between MMR and pervasive developmental disorder was 0•86 (95% CI 0•68–1•09). Findings were similar when restricted to children with a diagnosis of autism, to those vaccinated with MMR before the third birthday, or to the period before media coverage of the hypothesis linking MMR with autism. Interpretation: Our findings suggest that MMR vaccination is not associated with an increased risk of pervasive developmental disorders."

From
http://www.sciencedirect.com/science?_ob=ArticleURL&_udi=B6T1B-4D974DV-1...
“Conclusions: The significance of this finding is that MMR vaccination is most unlikely to be a main cause of ASD, that it cannot explain the rise over time in the incidence of ASD, and that withdrawal of MMR in countries where it is still being used cannot be expected to lead to a reduction in the incidence of ASD.”

ttamiesor says s/he went through 30 abstracts, and found zero to support the theory the MMR and/or thimerosol shots had any statistically significant relationship to autism.

Again - it's about risk management - and looking for the research rather than opinions.

 

 

One of my key parenting philosophies is to establish clear boundaries with my children so that they know what is expected of them. I've developed friendships with other parents - and some share my boundaries and some have different expectations of their children. My dilemma is whether or not to share observations of a friend's child with the friend.

Nothing angers a parent more than someone else offering "advice" on how to parent their child. Most of us are not experts in parenting - we're learning as we go. So, my general instinct is not to offer "observations" unless specifically asked.  I wonder if I am respecting boundaries or just staying safe.

Three situations - a mix of real and hypothetical - and I'd love to know if you would tell the parents and risk their anger and potential cutting off the friendship.  Or would you speak directly to the child? Or do nothing?

• You observe their child acting like a bully - verbally or physically - in a repeated way.  Not sadistic, but deliberately nasty with the intent of making another child feel bad. Should you let the children work it out?  Speak to the bully? Speak to the parents?
• You observe their child acting too mature for their age - flirting with adults of the opposite gender to the point of the other adult's discomfort.  Should the adult involved say something?  Should an observer?
• You observe their child cheating - in a game.  Again - should the players work it out?  Should you address the child or address the parents?

And when should you act - in the moment or after reflection?  Or not at all? What is the trigger between letting children work it out and helicopter parenting?

We say it takes a village, but whenever I think of recanting a negative story about a friend's child to the friend, I think deeply about the helpfulness.  Correcting behavior works best (some would say only) immediately folllowing the offense.  The parent may become angry with their child and not be able to effect meaningful change. I wonder if I am really helping the child and parent or just "tattling". What do you do?

For the record, I give any of you the right to call my kids out on an error immediately when it happens and help them choose more appropriate behavior.  Please let me know afterwards.

In our home, the computer lives next to the breakfast nook in full view of adults.  We have strict control over when and how our children use the computer. But the prevalence of cyberbulling is epidemic with children and teens both as victims and perpectrators. This is cliques taken to an extreme.

So far, our family computer experiences have been delightful where our children have Skype video calls with their grandparents in Florida or New York or where they learn to type, play math games and sometimes play other games on Lego, NickJr or PBS. But in 6th grade, my son will receive a laptop from his school and he will bring it home and use it.  Its unrealistic to expect that he will use it in public places.  So we have to establish ground rules now about computer etiquette and consequences for violations. 

According to the National Crime Prevention Council (from Common Sense Media).

• 43% of children 13-17 report being cyberbullied in the last year
• Most victims "know" but cannot see the bully
• 53% of teens admit sending a nastygram
• Only 10% of victims told their parents

As I said yesterday, the only person you can control and change is yourself. One of my readers asked what I would do about cyberbullying.

First - our school has a Code of Conduct for computer usage that explicitly discusses cyberbullying.  Every child is expected to sign it - starting in Kindergarten.  Common Sense Media reports that children in 2nd grade report cyberbullying - so it's not too soon to start.  It's important that educators teach students about appropriate behavior online. Parents should expect this of their schools.

Second -family rules of usage for the computer.  Ours include:

• Mom and Dad have full access to your accounts - this will end at some point in high school
• Only send and accept messages from people you know
• Accept friend and buddy requests from people you know
• Learn how to block people in IM, Skype, Facebook and anywhere else we permit you to be online
• Do not send a message or a picture that you would not deliver in person, face to face. "Anything you post online, anyone can see.  Always."

If the rules are broken, the consequences are a complete loss of computer usage except in public spaces and only for school assignments.  Cell phone, if given, will be taken away.  First offense is one full week.  Second offense is a full month. If my child is a perpetrator of cyberbullying, the message/image they sent will be provided to the school and the victim's parents with a written apology from my child.  They will take responsibility for the pain they caused and the other child's parents will be able to help their child heal.  If they are bullied, we will teach our child first to ignore the attempts and defuse the situation. It if persists, we will teach them to take screen shots and report it to the school, parents (if known) and proper authorities (if required).

My third and final suggestion is to create/use a Family Media Agreement.  Common Sense Media offers one for K-5 age and one for grades 6-8.  When I was a teenager, my high school lost one student per year to drunk driving related accidents.  As a junior, a group of us formed a chapter of SADD - Students Against Driving Drunk. The cornerstone of SADD is the Contract for Life.  The process of reading, discussing, signing and abiding by this contract saved countless lives.  We'll read, discuss, sign and abide by our Family Media Agreement - and renew it annually.

• Common Sense Media Family Media Agreement for K-5
• Common Sense Media Family Media Agreement for Grades 6-8

What are you doing to help your child protect themselves from cyberbullying?

From 3rd grade to 5th grade, I had very few school friends.  Literally - 2. Unlike the Motherlode story from yesterday, no clique-moms were banning their daughters from being my friend.  It was authentic dislike - the children in my classes didn't want to be my friend.  I can recall how that felt to this day (suffice to say, it's been more than 30 years).

At the time, my parents assured me that having one good friend was worth more than lots of playmates.  They told me that the other children were jealous or otherwise not worth the heartache I was feeling.  As a parent, I am certain that their hearts were breaking every time I cried or railed.

Image courtesy of http:/kidsblogs.nationalgeographic.com/

When I responded to the Motherlode inquiry yesterday, I assumed that the other Mom's were in the wrong and that the subject's daughter was an innocent victim. In reflection, neither is probably true.  And my suggestion to confront the Moms is probably not going to help the subject or her daughter. Even as children, we filter everything that happens to us through our interpretation of what's happening.  And we are hard-wired not to find fault with ourselves.  These two human conditions make it difficult to resolve a lot of interpersonal issues.

I loved school and loved to learn. And in 5th grade, hurt by the continued ostracization and teasing at school, I began having headaches that prevented my attending. Ultimately, I talked with a child psychologist about what was happening.  He helped the 10 year old me see that I was not completely innocent in this story - but that some of my behaviors were provoking the very response I hated. And we worked on what to do.

So - my more thoughtful answer to the Motherlode subject and her daughter is that the only person in the world anyone can change is herself. No one else. Her daughter is reacting to what is happening at school as a reflex - and an understandable one.  Bad things happen to people every day.  People are nasty to people every day.  We cannot control or prevent these events - but we can learn different interpretations and reactions.  We can change how we interact with our environment and the environment will change as a result.

Starting at the end of fifth grade and continuing to this very day, I became an ardent student of group dynamics.  I lacked natural instincts (obviously) so I developed conscious ones. I learned how to dial down (and dial up) my intense, strong personality. I never was the most popular kid in school, but I had good friends and still do.

As I parent my children, I see familiar personality traits.  I know that these traits will have ramifications in their social interactions - positive and negative.  All I can do is help my children become aware of their reactions and conscious in choosing how they want to respond to anything.

• If you want a friend, be a friend. 
• If you want to be loved, love first. Don't wait.
• Don't try to change someone else - change yourself. 

If two girls are excluding you on the playground, find a way to have fun and play with someone else.  It's okay to feel sad but heartache and rejection aren't fatal and can be short-lived. Let go of the sadness because every day is a gift and how you experience it is up to you.