Spring Break Survival Tips

It's over and we thrived - two weeks of spring break.  Since the corporate world doesn't support 6 weeks of annual vacation and my husband and I both work full time, we spend significant effort planning for extended school vacations. We are exhausted, but it was a success. Our trick is regular reinforcements.

In truth, our community had a camp available for the second week, but we didn't take advantage of that simplifying option. We jam packed a lot of family and a lot of travel without incurring a ton of PTO.

First, we spent the opening weekend skiing in Tahoe.  This is one of our favorite family activities - outdoor, athletic and full of smiles. Combine that we did it with my sister's family and we have extended family fun - and more playmates for everyone.

Survival Tip one: Find people you like who have children your children like.

Second, we hosted my brother-in-law's family for five days in our home.  We shared two Passover seders and their family explored San Francisco and our town - bringing our boys along as tour guides.  Most of the time, the kids just enjoyed free play around the yard and neighborhood.  We worked, the kids and in-laws played.

Survival Tip two: Invite out-of-town families to visit. It's fun, special and the kids create their own entertainment.

On the weekend, we rested.  It was Easter weekend and our wedding anniversary - blissfully, we had no plans.

Survival Tip three: Down time calms everyone. Schedule some.

The second week we went to camp grandparent.  A non-stop flight across the country and then it's fun in the sun.  Grandma and Grandpa have a pool and live near tennis and golf.  Everyone can relax, splash, play without lots of programming.  Thankfully,  it didn't rain.

Survival Tip four: Change the scenery and encourage free play.

At the end of the two weeks, I found that my kids and I really liked each other.  We had enough space apart while being together because we sometimes explored different recreation and sometimes didn't.

Survival Tip five: Roll with it.

Our return flight was delayed three hours on the ground and we didn't get home until 2am on a school night. The kids slept on the plane and at home...and everyone kept their cool.

What are your survival tips for extended school vacations?

Digital Dope

Does the thought of spending 18 hours, one-way, in a car (okay, SUV) with three children and three (or four) adults give you cold sweats?  I would have said yes a few weeks ago. Turns out - I really enjoy a good roadtrip.  Practically, I enjoy the minimal stress of traveling on my own schedule.  Financially, I enjoy saving $5000 in airfare and car rentals. Philosophically, it's guaranteed family time.  Okay - that last one could be code for time to jettison my family.

But the 18 hours, each way, was actually great.  And for this, I must confess that I completely dosed my children with digital dope.  Good dope - the type that comes on shiny, single sided disks.  All systems go and liking itWe carefully restrict the consumption of digital dope in the home - only 2 hours on each weekend day and no time during the week except for homework.  No game systems permitted. But when confined to a seat for 18 hours over two days, we significantly increased the dosage and it made our roadtrip enjoyable for everyone.

The backstory is that our family loves to ski and we've fallen in love with skiing in Big Sky, Montana.  There are direct flights from San Francisco to Bozeman and Big Sky is only 45 minutes south of the airport.  But it's an expensive sport and an expensive proposition to fly there and rent a large SUV. Plus, in spite of the direct flights, every year has brought different problems with flights.  This year, we decided we'd try driving to save the money and control our schedule.  It's exactly 1000 miles from our home to the mountain lodge at Big Sky.

We prepped for the trip by researching gaming systems to pick the right one for our family. We borrowed 35 DVDs from a friend to have a variety for everyone.  We figured out how to play books on tape through the Audi MMI system. And, at the last minute, we wound up with two portable DVD players, both with video input, instead of a permanent system.  By the way, very few portable DVD players have video inputs and they have single audio inputs.  Kudos to Cody for a super cool device and thank G-d for Radio Shack where there are adapters and cords for everything.

We were still responsible Digital Dope dealers on the trip.  For the first 100 miles and for the first hour after every rest stop, all video machines were off and we listened, as a family, to Harry Potter.  Finished Book two and started Book Three.  This was good for everyone - including the driver.  The route from San Francisco to Bozeman is not very exciting.  After the first 100 miles, the machines were powered up.  Our daughter had a dedicated machine where she controlled the movies.  Tinkerbell, Barbie Princess and Peter Pan were the favorites.  The boys had a DVD player with a PS2 connected.  Madden NFL 2007, Roller Coaster Tycoon and ATV Racer were the favorites -  beating Lego Batman and Sonic Skateboarder by a considerable stretch.

And bickering - that was easy to control.  Arguments led to an immediate disruption of the digital dope flow - power off.  Only has to happen once for the kids to understand they had best play nice, or they won't play at all.  The quiet and stillness of their bodies while they watched The Lone Peak of Lone Mountain. 11,000+ feetand played was convenient for the car but truly frightening if I think about people who allow unmetered digital dope in their homes. These kids were enraptured with the games and movies, but they weren't moving.  Good for the car, bad for almost everywhere else (in long stretches).

After dinner, for the last 4 hours of driving, the digital dope was turned off.  Another 30 minutes of Harry Potter and everyone except the driver and navigator fell to sleep.  They were told before dinner that all entertainment other than a story would be off and once again, there was no begging, whining or other shenanigans.

We spent 36 hours in a car with our children over the last 11 days.  That's 13.6% of the last 11 days.  We still like being with them.  They liked traveling with us.  Big Sky was glorious as always and the trip was not stressful. The home rules for digital dope aren't changing, but for a roadtrip, I swear by that stuff.

Roadtrip - Game on!

We're planning an 18 hour roadtrip to reach our favorite ski destination this year. We'll likely be traveling with 7 people - and three are my kids.  To make it a success, we decided that we will buy a gaming system for the car only. Since neither of us are gaming console afficiados, I've been researching what system we should acquire for the car.

Our criteria:

• Must be multi-player games - we don't want the kids to be heads down lost in a PSP or a DS.  Plus, we want the gaming system to live in the car - only to come on after one hour of good behavior.
• Should not encourage them to smack each other
• Large library of not exhorbitant games appropriate for kids under 10

Obviously - must be car friendly for installation and durability.

I visited Best Buy, Audio Sounds, Toys R Us and GameStop.  No comparison in terms of useful information.  The first three told me that I could probably use a WII (I think it's cute and fun) but that any system would do.  GameStop was truly informed. 

The Nintendo WII

Very cute, age appropriate - but the WII just isn't a car gaming system - too many of the games require movement and are seriously less fun without movement.  If we wanted to have the system in the house and car, then we could have only the most sedentary WII games, but it would be silling to spend that much money on a system and on the games if it's only purpose is sedentary play.

The XBox 360

This is an excellent gaming console - but for older children. The games are expensive, complicated and often violent.  It can play movies - but we have DVD players in the car that are embedded into the screens - so we don't need that feature. It also doesn't like being shook up all that much and should be installed in such a way that it won't bounce.

The PS3

This is also a mature gaming console - with wireless controllers that will make the car less cluttered.  The games are as expensive, complicated and violent as the XBox 360.  We don't own BlueRay discs, so that's not valuable either. It does apparently travel better than the XBox.

The PS2

We have a winner!  The console is value-priced - appropriate for a car-only system for our young kids.  The games are abundant and there are plenty that are priced low because they're pre-owned, but fine. There are wireless consoles available (we bought two wireless consoles). It's hardy - you can toss it around on the floor of the car and it won't complain. Sony is committed to one more year of PS2 support AND GameStop is committed to another year after that.

By the time there's limited support for the PS2, the next generation of systems will be available and we can revisit, if necessary, what console to put in the car.  Personally, we had an Atari 2600 in the basement when I was a kid and that was our only gaming system for 10 years.  I suspect my kids will be using the PS2, in the car on roadtrips, for a long, long time. But don't tell them - they won't even see the system and initial games until Hanukkah - when they find out it's in the car!

Definitely not slap-happy

This Monday, a 61 year old Wal-Mart shopper got so frustrated with someone else's crying toddler that he slapped the child.  Unbelievable, but true.  The gentleman was restrained and arrested for felony cruelty to children.  Which seems appropriate.

Of course, every person has been in his shoes - a screaming child in a store, on a plane or any other enclosed space can test your patience.  And every parent has been mortified when they cannot get their toddler (or worse, non-toddler, non-baby child) to stop screaming. Obviously, it's inexcuseable (and generally ineffective) to slap the child into silence.  But what can you do?

First - parents need to take precautions to head this off at the pass.  If your child is over-tired, hungry or dirty - help them succeed by helping them address their needs prior to enclosing them.

Second - parents have to stay calm. Which is nearly impossible when you are mortified and furious. ButA calm place.., our children do feed off our emotions - so take a deep breath, count to 10 slowly, and then address your child and, if they are young, redirect their attention (here's a ball/doll/balloon).  If they are older, ask what is upsetting them and make a deal if they calm down.  That said, if they are screaming the gimmees (Mommy, I must have that toy), do not cave.  We tell our children that we will put it on their birthday/holiday list.  And we do it.  They learn delayed gratification and we head-off a tantrum.

Sometimes nothing's going to work.  Sometimes they're not going to calm down. 

So then - the third step (which is not throttle, muzzle or other silencing technique) - change the environment.  Stop shopping and leave - you can get it later.  Move to the bathroom on a plane.  We flew cross-country on a red-eye in the bathroom - switching off holding our screaming 18 month old.  Last red-eye we flew with children - seriously.

The gentleman who slapped a child was way out of line.  So are parents who don't calm their child or remove a screaming child from an enclosed space.

Other people have suggestions too - check them out:

• www.kenttoussaint.com/cluesonkids-009.htm

• http://www.femaleforum.com/s/article/toddler_tantrums_how_to_silence_the_monster/
• http://watchmojo.com/children/blog/index.php/2009/06/30/tips-for-coping-with-temper-tantrums/

Us Time - Why time away from our kids makes us better parents

There's a story that a new father asked his father (the new grandfather) how to be a good father to his children.  The grandfather responded - love their mother.  It's easy to get caught up in the chaos of life with children plus work plus the household and run out of time for each other.  It happens to us all the time - we're exhausted by Friday evening and know that we have a full weekend of family time that will be great - but tiring. 

My husband and I try to get at least one weekend a year alone.  Last year, we managed a full week - but it was our 10 year anniversary, so we felt entitled to splurge.  I remember my parents taking a week vacation every year just to have fun with each other.  It's a good model.  Someday, if we do our job well, our kids should move out and make their own lives - we'll still be with each other (G-d willing).  And staying connected, romantic and in love for the 20+ years of raising kids takes effort.  I worry about my friends who tell me they haven't been on vacation alone with their husband for 4, 5, 6 years. I don't have any data, but instinctively that just feels like neglect to the couple relationship.

My favorite spots for a 2-3 day parent getaway (from the Bay Area) are:

1. Las Vegas - shows, restaurants and lots of price points for the hotels.  Whether or not you gamble, it's easy.
2. Napa/Sonoma - drivable from the Bay Area and truly another world.
3. Steamboat Springs - direct flight from the Bay Area and beautiful skiing
4. Cabo - if your passport is in order, this is a lovely spot.
5. San Diego - beach, ocean and pretty hotels.  The gaslight district is a pretty walk.

What are your recommendations for your part of the world?