Back to School Traditions

Somehow, the first night all my children slept in their beds since June 20 was tonight (August 30) - and it's the night before school starts. They had busy, wonderful summers visiting family back east, attending sleepaway camp and spending time with family out west - no complaints. But no time to really transition into a school mindset.

Time constraints forced me to focus - to identify the most important back to school activities:

• Clothing that fits and is suitable for something other than rags. 
• School supplies 
• Dentist, orthodontist - check and check.
• Haircuts...not crucial.  Not done. 
• Buy books for summer reading - did this in June. Whew.

My time jam also put the sleep routine at risk. Luckily, our children have a pavlovian response to their own bedrooms - or to the exhaustion of their summer - bedtime was on track, without resistance and should lead to a solid 11+ hours of rest before school starts tomorrow.

Beyond the practical, I fantasize about having back-to-school traditions. Thus far, the tradition is taking a day off from work and spending it with my school-age children doing something. Mini-golf is popular. So is bike riding. And lunch. And I fantasize that this experience opens meaningful discussions about goals and concerns for the upcoming school year.  Realistically, it reinforces that I am a better Mom when I work and spend evenings with my children because my patience for sibling rivalry and bickering is, well, not great. 

Most of the families I know from other schools have already started - we start tomorrow. The kids are excited and the parents look estatic. Our big family tradition is to take a picture outside our house before school on that first day. It's not time consuming and it's never particularly calm, but I do enjoy seeing them over the years.

What's your back-to-school routine and tradition?  Is it for you or your kids?

I ran for her

I recently ran my first 5K - the San Francisco Race for the Cure.  I've been training hard to regain my pre-baby body and have run 5K a few times, so I casually asked my sister if she wanted to run it with me.  She did and we did.  I don't love running, but it was an inspiring and emotional morning.

After you register for this race, you can create a sign for your back "In Memory Of" or "In Celebration Of".  I am blessed in that I can celebrate the health of both my mother and my sister - survivors of 26 and 6 years, respectively.  Diagnosed the same month, 20 years apart.  Spooky.  And both of them are the picture of health - truly inspiring.

We raced - it was hard - we finished and there's a gathering area.  Once everyone is done running/walking, the Survivors are celebrated.  My sister walked into the area with her daughter - 2 years old.  When my niece got antsy, I held her and then a singer sang Melissa Etherridge's song - Run for Life.

When I created my memoriam and when I held my niece, I was overcome with emotion.  I am so blessed to have my mother and my sister - who deserve to be celebrated - but I run for her.  I ran for my daughter and my niece.  I ran so that they might never have to consider mastectomies and chemotherapy and ovarian suppression.  I ran so that they might not have to wonder at every annual exam - is this the year.  My family genetics give me an 80% lifetime probability of breast cancer.  Maybe my daughter and niece didn't get those genes.  But in case they did, I'll run for a cure.

What makes you run?

A perfect moment – my summer send-off

Many parents who worked really hard all summer having their kids at home are deservedly thrilled that school is starting and the routine resumes, but as for me - I am sad to see summer come to a close. They’re going to have an amazing school year and I am excited for them to start, but summer is a carefree, fun time. My kids were in lots of camps (see Master’s Degree for Camp) and loved the variety of experiences. I wanted to squeeze the very last of summer out of 2009 and took today off from work to spend the day with my sons.

It was magical. We went to a museum together that they knew and I didn’t. They loved showing me the “best” parts of the museum. I loved how interested they were in various different exhibits. Clearly – frogs, lizards and guitarfish are the hands-down favorite for the boys although I thought the butterflies zipping around the tropical rainforest were beautiful. They insisted that we could not leave without seeing the planetarium show – which they referred to as the iMax. We even managed to have a pleasant lunch together where my eldest tried a new(ish) food and liked it.

But my perfect moment was unexpected. This museum has a Living Roof – it’s covered with 2 million plants that keep the building cool. It’s also an exhibit. As we exited the elevator and turned to climb the flight of stairs outside – climbing into warm sunshine – my boys bounded upwards – ecstatic to show me the roof and just loving being together. Time sort of stopped for me as I marveled at them, their exuberance and how much I was enjoying being with them. I am thankful for that moment and for the fantastic summer we shared.

What moments of unexpected joy surprised you this summer?

Please don't stop the music

My music collection, never the edgiest, stopped growing a couple years after I graduated college. There was a sudden influx of new music when my son was born – nursery rhymes, Disney lullabies and other “appropriate music”. As I planned a party for my husband’s birthday, it was very clear that I neither knew any of the fun, cool music nor owned anything later than the early 90s.

It’s not my plan to be one of those parents who complains about my kids’ music. I never really cared if other people liked my music and I don’t need to fake affection for songs in order to fit in with my kids. But I like to dance and sing and I needed to update my music library.Estelle - American Boy

At work, I asked the 20-somethings in the office but that didn’t really help. Too much variety in music tastes – harkening me back to my days at Firefly Network where we recommended music based on music you like. Luckily, I have an au pair and children who love music and they recommended their favorites – American Boy, Closer, I Kissed a Girl and Don’t Stop the Music.

Katy Perry - I Kissed a GirlWith those four songs, I started a Pandora playlist and played while I worked – thumbing up any songs that tickled my fancy. From Pandora, you can buy on iTunes. For about $40, I created a modern playlist. I try to update the music every month or so with 4-5 songs to add to the playlist and the classics.Rihanna - Don't stop the Music

And I know it’s cool – because when I was driving 4 teenage girls around San Francisco, we put on the playlist and after stunned silence, the girls announced I was the coolest Mom they knew – and it was because my kids inspired me to modernize. We dance regularly to the new songs we discover together.  Try it – it’s fun!

How did your kids make you more fun?

Device-off time - aka "breakfast"

Today's New York Times technology section highlighted a trend where families find themselves waking their teen's via text, lunging for laptops before and during breakfast, and basically feeling panicked if they cannot check Facebook before 7am.  This is not progress.  And this is setting up our kids to be stressed out and potentially very lonely.  There just isn't a device that can give a hug, celebrate achievements or wipe away a tear.

• Teenagers are caffeinating to stay up on machines - and falling asleep in school.
• More than one computer at home (and letting kids use them a lot) can result in LOWER math and reading abilities (this one is from 2004 - I'm sure it's not getting better).
• Children, Youth and Environments journal published how too much technology deprives children of interaction with nature and with other people - things that we need for mental health and success.

For us, it's not realistic to have no technology in the house and around the kids.  What is necessary is setting limits on OUR use of technology so that our kids learn healthy technology boundaries.

It's a real challenge - work starts around the world and we wake up in California needing to play catch up. But we focus on the example we're setting for our children about prioritizing the people you are actually with in the moment over the urgency of the digital universe. Unless you are in the business of saving lives (and are always on call - which sounds awful), there's nothing that cannot wait. Without boundaries on technology, we're losing the ability to entertain ourselves and to engage over day to day life in person.

Every electronic device has an off-switch. Starting with ourselves, we enforce "off-time" - during meals, during activities together. When our kids see us lunge for our laptops, they learn that it's expected and valuable to be "always on". We're not luddites - we use iPhones, Blackberries, laptops, iMacs and cell phones. Our children get "screen time" on the weekends for 2 hours each day. Additional screen time is only if assigned by a teacher. We don't have teenagers yet - but I'm leaning towards "phone/laptop check-in" before bed where they aren't returned until morning chores and breakfast are done. Perhaps our kids will have the chance to manage their own "off-time" with check-in as a consequence for bad management. It's hard for us to manage our screen time too. We logon after they go to bed and before they wake up. We try not to chat on the phone when we're driving with them. And sometimes, we just have to wait to get online.

How do you balance your need to be connected with setting boundaries for family time?