Overhearing talk of drugs and sex

At some point in adolescence, my kids are going to hear someone they respect bragging about drugs and/or sex. The question is how will they react to that experience. Will they talk with me about it, avoid mentioning it or lie?

My friend's 13 year old son has a 17 year old mentor/friend. Together with other people, they went on a camping trip recently and at some point, the 13 year old overheard his friend talking about trying pot. The 17 year old was NOT talking about it with the 13 year old.

The 13 year old came home and talked with his parents.  He told his parents that he was really disappointed in this 17 year old and that he thought what the 17 was doing was wrong.

They responded that they were so glad he told them about this. And they talked about why he was disappointed.  They didn't get angry or jump into action to talk to the 17 year old or his parents. 

In NurtureShock, Po Bronson and Ashley Merriman show that all children lie and parents cannot detect it.  They lie to protect us and to protect themselves and to fit in. They lie to copy us...what's a parent to do?

From Po Bronson and Ashley Merriman:

Increasing the threat of punishment for lying only makes children hyperaware of the potential personal cost. It distracts children from learning how their lies affect others. 

Lots of rules don't work either since parents cannot keep track, generally don't enforce consistently and children get good at avoiding getting caught.  It appears that most children lie to avoid confrontation (for themselves or their friends) - and that's what was so amazing about my friend's response to his son.  He didn't put his son in the position of ratting out his friend and he didn't start a confrontation.  He let his son talk it out with him and reach his own conclusion. 

It's never too early to create a relationship where your child can talk to you. I am thinking a lot about how I react and listen to my kids so that when they are 13, just maybe they'll share with me just like my friend's son did with him.

What are you doing to foster that sort of open dialogue while still conveying your values?

What's a Skittles party?

When I was a kid, Skittles were just a sweet and sour candy that you either ate or smooshed in front of the high school in the colors of the opposing team.  Yesterday, I learned about the latest drug experimentation craze among tweens and teens and it's called a Skittles Party.

A growing problem in drug abuse is prescription drug abuse. Apparently there is a misconception that something prescribed by a doctor is "safe".  And this misconception isn't limited to children and teenagers. A "skittles party" is when kids each bring a variety of prescriptions - think Ritalin, Oxycodone, Tylenol with Codeine - to a "party".  They toss the pills into a bag/container/box.  Then they reach in, pull out a random medication and take it.

In a 2005 survey by the Partnership for a Drug-Free America, 19% of U.S. teenagers — roughly 4.5 million youths — reported having taken prescription painkillers such as Vicodin or OxyContin or stimulants such as Ritalin or Adderall to get high.

This isn't a new trend - it's been growing steadily throughout this decade (and probably earlier). What's new to me is that according to my friend at the Partnership for a Drug-Free America, kids in 5th grade are having Skittles Parties because they have NO FEAR.

My eldest is halfway through third grade. I didn't see anyone try drugs stronger than cigarettes until high school and only pot and alcohol in high school (or ever, for that matter, but I'm not all that interesting).  It bothers me a little that his prescription for Amoxicillin tastes so good that he ASKs for it.  But he knows he's only supposed to have it twice a day.

So now I am puzzled. I'm pretty sure that if I asked him if he ever considered taking someone else's medications he'd look at me like I was purple-skinned.  In an effort to address my puzzlement, I discovered that the Partnership for a Drug-Free America has some guidelines by age and that my husband and I are already doing the prevention work appropriate for my children's ages.

Check out the Parent Toolkit for preventing drug abuse - Grades K-3

But he's almost in 4th grade and the tactics change in Grades 4-6. So what are we going to do?  We'll be:

• Emphasizing our household rules and values
• Talking about what to do in a situation you don't like.
• Continuing to restrict what television they watch and talk about what they see
• Teaching them to make good choices about how they treat their bodies
• Praying that they stay safe

What do you do to educate your children about drugs and alcohol?  When did you start?

And if you think it's harmless - check out these two links...sad.

• Dangers of prescription drug abuse
• Overdoses from cold medication