Creativity, persistence and curiosity...shows up at camp

I’m striving to help my children grow into creative and curious adults. Combined with persistence, creativity and curiosity are the critical attributes of the most successful and happiest people I know. Apparently, research agrees with me (thanks again to Po Bronson and Ashley Merriman for reviewing and summarizing all the literature in this week’s Newsweek). Creativity quotient correlated with accomplishment and invention better than IQ over the last 50 years. What’s frightening is that American children, who traditionally had the highest curiosity quotient of any population are showing precipitous declines in their curiosity quotient over the last 20 years.

The decline corresponds to the timing of a change of American educational focus. In the last twenty years, our US public education system has focused on standardized testing and AP courses in order to ensure that all children are receiving the same caliber of education.  But that education hasn’t been focused on cultivating curiosity.

Curiosity asserts itself in interesting moments. For example, we had our first camp visiting day as parents recently and besides the joy of seeing our eldest child, the camp director pulled me aside to give some insight into my son. The most important thing he wanted to tell me was that my son asked interesting and provocative questions – all the time and especially during Friday services. And he had creative solutions to questions he asked. Having just read the Newsweek article (and I recommend it and NurtureShock to all parents and educators), I was thrilled.

My response, albeit glib, was that my children are in a school that stresses creative thinking and problem solving. The school certainly believes in assessments, tests and grades – benchmarks through which the student, teacher and parents can measure progress.  But learning to ask good questions and consider multiple answers is a crucial capability. It probably helps that my children are not shy and that we expect them to figure things out on their own at home too.

I read a lot about brain development and education – ever since I had my first child, I’ve wanted to understand how his brain develops and how I can help him grow into a productive, confident and independent adult. What I’ve been reading lately – The Global Achievement Gap and Disrupting Class – reinforce that standardized testing-oriented public schools are turning children off to learning and squashing their natural creativity.  Po Bronson and Ashley Merriman’s article pointed that creativity is not about art class – it’s about the entire education; it’s about asking questions.  We need all our schools to be cultivating creativity as that is at the heart of the American dream and the American story.

When I look to hire someone, I look for creativity, persistence and team play. According to Tony Wagner (author of Global Achievement Gap), virtually every hiring manager – white color, blue color, manufacturing, information technology – is looking for the same attributes. What can we do to bring creativity back to the public schools? Is it still there (and the things I’m reading are just alarmist and misguided)?

Sending the first one to sleepaway camp

My eldest is 8 ½ and starts fourth grade in September. This summer, he is going to 3 ½ weeks of sleepaway camp for the first time. It’s the first time we’ll be apart for more than a week. And we won’t be able to talk on the phone more than twice, for five minutes each. My husband and I share his excitement for camp. Many of our favorite memories and closest friendships were formed at camp.

Because we chose a camp in Massachusetts and we live in California, we elected for my son and I to flyThe joy of camp together to New York, spend a couple of days and then I would drive him to camp so that he would arrive with the other “fly-in” campers. My son had visited the camp last year and was eagerly anticipating the experience. When I remarked that I could have asked a friend from school to go with him, he asked why I would do that – he wants to make new friends at camp in addition to his school friends. His social confidence is amazing.

Most parents bring their children to an airport or bus stop to send them to camp. Kisses, hugs and your child joins the other campers for the trip to camp. Since I was dropping him off at camp, our process was a little different. He would be arriving while the campers were at dinner and I would drop him at the office, check in and he would walk to the dining hall on his own. I imagine it’s a little bit intimidating to walk into a room of 60 children and just find your group. But a major point of camp is to develop independence and confidence.

“Mom, how will I know who my counselor is?”

“Well, walk in, announce “Hi, I’m [name] and I’m going into 4^th grade” and I’m sure someone will point you to the right group.”

After 2.5 hours in the car, we arrived and he popped excitedly out of the car.  I even had to remind him to hug me! And then he turned and, with a spring in his step, headed down the hill to the dining hall. I wiped a tear or two from my eyes and swelled with pride at his confidence and enthusiasm for a new experience. While my husband and I have encouraged him to make the most of every experience, he’s had that reinforced positively at his school as well. I’m very appreciative that he’s at a school where the students are expected to value each individual in the community and to welcome newcomers – he expects the same from camp.

If the photos the camp posted of the “fly-in” campers arrival are any indicator – he found his group and started having fun right after dinner. Reinforcing his positive attitude and social confidence yet again.  Some of this is his wiring – he’s a positive, social guy – and some of this is his experiences at school and in his sports teams. Like the rabbi said 8 years ago – understanding and making the most of your child’s wiring is the only thing a parent can do to help their child succeed.  Employers value candidates who are confident, socially adept and positive – what experiences are you giving your child to develop those attributes regardless of their wiring?



Managing Expectations

It's January which means...time to figure out summer camp for grade-school kids.  Insane, but true. Camps are broadcasting their dates and enrollment has begun. While our eldest will have 3.5 weeks of sleepaway, for the first time, we still have 12 weeks of summer to program for the boys - 8.5 for the eldest and 12 full for the younger. And I decided to helicopter parent for an hour to determine if a new camp would fit my younger son.  Call it a temporary hover...or managing expectations.

I loved camp.  The variety of activities and the new friendships I made over the course of a summer were invaluable.  One week camp sessions, while terrific for getting better at an activity, really don't foster the friendships that longer camp sessions do.

Camps have reasonable expectations of children - they will all have different skills and they need to learn sportsmanship and teamwork. The problems arise if you have a child with unique capabilities or needs. Parents of children with needs learn to balance the need to advocate for their child with the need of their child to learn to fit in. I have a child with exceptional athleticism and this year I decided to take a page from the needs book and called a new camp director to talk about the fit for my son with the camp.

After 45 minutes, we both think it will work.  Both of us took on action items. Home team (that's us) will need to prepare Taylor for what's expected at camp, the routine at camp and what will happen when he has to take a break from a game.  Camp team is going to put him in situations where his athleticism will be challenged and the games will be more intense by playing him a "year up".  Ultimately we'll stop doing that - but it seems like a good start for the summer.  He'll have to fend for himself and make it work - but the two teams supporting him think it'll be a great summer. I hope he makes some friends there too.

How do you strike a balance between ensuring your child gets what they need to succeed and not paving the road and making it too easy so they don't learn to fend for themselves and adapt?