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Joelle GK comments on The vaccines debate - seriously

Joelle GK — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 00:10:52 +0000

Exactly - there is a difference between causality, correlation and observation. The vaccine:autism debate is not grounded in causality or correlation - but observation. Observation is unreliable because it is not statistically significant.

Lori M comments on The vaccines debate - seriously

Lori M — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 00:08:06 +0000

That's kind of the point I was making - it's not just about *your* kids or *my* kids, it's about *all* kids and what's best for all of them. And I hardly think vaccines are to blame. What about the fact that a large number of women are waiting until their mid-to-late 30s to have children when it's proven that the risk of defects in children increases as the mother ages? That's more likely to be the cause than external influencers that have been proven unrelated.

As far as my children go, scientific research and decades now of clinical observation says vaccines do more good than harm. I would not want to see my child - or any other child - die of a preventable disease. They have all been vaccinated and will continue to be so.

Wendie K comments on The vaccines debate - seriously

Wendie K — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 00:07:21 +0000

What about the fact that 1 in 6 children today have some form of neurological disorder? In some parts of the country it's 1 in 4. That's a far cry from what when we were growing up. There are big risks both way, and it's hard to be a parent in 2010 and know you are making the right decisions for your kids.

Lori M comments on The vaccines debate - seriously

Lori M — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 22:16:02 +0000

The debate is particularly frustrating because the diseases against which vaccination protect children can cause death or long-term health problems. Not vaccinating children puts other children at risk and every year increases the risk of an "outbreak" that will mutate and result in a childhood disease for which we have no vaccine, causing more death and heartbreak.

Allison comments on The vaccines debate - seriously

Allison — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 22:05:34 +0000

Anyone who doesn't think that autism has something to do with vaccines should take a good hard look at the unvaccinated communities in our nation. Examples include an entire medical practice in Chicago (30,000 patients) and the Amish community, both who don't vaccinate. You know what you find? Almost zero autism rate. Isn't that the best control group to determine if vaccines cause injury? The vaccinated vs. non-vaccinated. And how come that hasn't been done? Because no entity, be it pharmaceutical companies, the gov't, nor pediatricians want to be held accountable for the incredible rise in autism in the past 20 years.

Maureen comments on Establishing boundaries with other parents

Maureen — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 11:39:24 +0000

Interesting comments as usual. I think in the latter two, the parties involved can work it out. An adult can walk away or say something directly to the child or the parent. A cheating child can be handled by other children not playing or in a game, a penalty can be called if caught. When a person being bullying feels weak, he or she may need an adult to intervene and legal consequences may be involved. The bullying party seems to have more issues going on that would warrant help. Of course, each situation needs to be reviewed for severity and at the moment. At my stage, I tell the parent directly when his or her child is hurting my child and all of the time, the parents steps in and handles their child. If I do not want to talk to a parent,I immediately leave the situation. Just a quick comment. I look forward to others.

Virginia Sargent comments on Cliques redux

Virginia Sargent — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 17:54:56 +0000

After reading the original Motherlode blog regarding this and your response, there's another opportunity here. If after modeling the behavior you mention in your response and the mother's still don't allow their children play with yours, then there is a teachable moment with your child: that sometimes adults act like children; that part of growing up is acting respectfully towards others without malice regardless of ones differences. Parents not acting like adults is also exhibited at children's sporting events. Another teachable moment.

Virginia Sargent comments on Cliques redux

Virginia Sargent — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 17:32:40 +0000

I remember one parent saying "why do our kids have to put up with behavior that we would never put up with as adults?" I fortunately had a decent grammar school experience until seventh grade. When the teasing started, my parents, due to their own inexperience, had no idea how to help me. It was actually a nun at school, Sister Martin, who finally asked me what was going on. I told her all the stuff that was happening - including what I felt I did to bring the boys' scapegoating on myself. I had beaten one of the popular boys in a sailing race and laughed at him as I passed him up. I was also just as smart as him in school. I looked back now and think - laughing was just not a good thing to do. Just beating him and being smart could have been enough to start the teasing though. He got the rest of the boys to gang up on me and objectify me by calling me "dog" instead of my real name. Sister Martin must have made a few calls or cornered the boys individually because the teasing stopped abruptly after a week. However, it had already gone on for most of the school year and the damage was done. My solution - I went to a high school where no one knew me and none of the kids from my Catholic school attended. It was normal to be smart and I was just a "b" student there. I also didn't laugh at anyone again.

Alicia D comments on Cliques redux

Alicia D — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 21:58:29 +0000

I think your post on Motherlode and your post here are not mutually exclusive. I think you have a great insight that it is important to help your child(ren) develop self-reflection about the part they play in creating group dynamics. It's also a great life skill to help your children focus on the things that they can actively change -- you can't change how other people behave but you can change how you personally act and also you can change how you choose to respond to others' actions.

At the same time, I think your original Motherlode comment that encouraged some dialog between the parents and possibly the school was right on. The original Motherlode column was writing about a pretty creepy parental dynamic where a group of adult moms were actively encouraging their children to only play with each other and --at least it sounded this way--to actively leave out other kids. Now, there are 2 sides to every story so who knows what the actual dynamic is between all the parents involved and between all the kids. If the parents are truly encouraging their own children to play in a clique and leave out others, I think it would be worth calling those parents out on something that is having a very negative effect on the school. Social bullying can be every bit as detrimental, if not more so, than physical bullying and I think parents and educators do have a responsibility to say it will not be tolerated. I don't mean that adults should take over the communication from the kids. However, I would like to see parents and teachers facilitating kids' talking together about what is going on between them and working it out.

There is a way that the teachers and parents could be supporting each child's self-reflection *and* self-expression and not letting anyone feel stomped on. I totally sympathized with your story of your 10 year old self. I had similar stomach aches in 3rd grade and 6th grade for similar reasons and my parents also, thankfully, were great to talk to during what I look back on as unnecessarily awful times.

A local school here in Berkeley boils down their fundamental policy as, "Is it safe? Is it kind?" I think this is a great guiding principle, similar to "do unto others..." I don't think all the kids have to play together to be safe or kind -- but someone should be encouraging better communication and better ways to manage conflict all around... Whew. Guess you got me going with this post!

Lori Goodman comments on Cliques redux

Lori Goodman — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 21:01:34 +0000

Meant to say - Joelle - not Jocelyn. Forgive me!